Observations…*I used to eat a lot of natural foods, until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
*The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
*Never take life seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway.
*There are two kinds of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.
*Life is sexually transmitted.
*An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
*If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who’s the fool who said "quit while your ahead."
*Healthy is merely the slowest rate at which one can die.
*The only difference between a rut and a grave, is the depth. Dr Phil says that a rut is just a grave
that is open on both ends.
*Always get the last word in: apologize.
*Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
*When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is
to pull it out. If it comes out easily, it’s a valuable plant.
*Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach that person to use the internet and they
wont bother you for weeks.
*Some people are like slinkies, not really good for anything, but you still cant help but smile
when you see one tumble down the stairs.
*Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
*Have you noticed that since everyone has a camcorder these days, no one talks about seeing
UFO’s like they used to?
*All of us could take a lesson from the weather, it pays no attention to critics.
*Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you
thirty cents?
*In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take
Prozac to make it normal.
*Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a
very close resemblance to the first.
*How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
*You read about all these terrorists, most of them here legally, but hung around on these expired
visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to blockbusters; you are two days
late with a video and those are all over you. Lets put blockbuster in charge of immigration.
*The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
*Never take life seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway.
*There are two kinds of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.
*Life is sexually transmitted.
*An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
*If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who’s the fool who said "quit while your ahead."
*Healthy is merely the slowest rate at which one can die.
*The only difference between a rut and a grave, is the depth. Dr Phil says that a rut is just a grave
that is open on both ends.
*Always get the last word in: apologize.
*Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
*When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is
to pull it out. If it comes out easily, it’s a valuable plant.
*Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach that person to use the internet and they
wont bother you for weeks.
*Some people are like slinkies, not really good for anything, but you still cant help but smile
when you see one tumble down the stairs.
*Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
*Have you noticed that since everyone has a camcorder these days, no one talks about seeing
UFO’s like they used to?
*All of us could take a lesson from the weather, it pays no attention to critics.
*Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you
thirty cents?
*In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take
Prozac to make it normal.
*Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a
very close resemblance to the first.
*How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
*You read about all these terrorists, most of them here legally, but hung around on these expired
visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to blockbusters; you are two days
late with a video and those are all over you. Lets put blockbuster in charge of immigration.
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