My Life

I am the mommy of Michelle, Ashleigh and Samanthia. The state of utah snatched them from me in July of 2001. The Last time I was allowed to see them was January 8, 2002. Not a day goes by that they are not in my thoughts. They were sold out of foster care here for financial insentive. I miss you three so much and can't wait til the day you can come find me.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

“A  home for a child”
Webster defines home as “the place where somebody was born or raised in and feels that he or she belongs”   When this is not the case, as for an adoptee who was placed with people who have no concept  of the meaning, unless it pertains to their wants and needs, the word  “home”  has  a completely  different definition. 
A  home is much more than 4 walls and a roof  to live in.  It is but not limited to...
1.       A  soft place to land when you’ve had a rotten day.
2.       A  place that is full of people who love each other and protect each other.
3.       A  place where you are respected and your feelings and needs are met by people who are eager and willing to put their own  needs and wants aside to meet yours if the situation calls for it.
4.       It is a place where a  person is not afraid to go to sleep at night, Where locking the bedroom door is never crosses your mind because the other family members respect you privacy and will not enter unless invited.
5.       A  home is where you can feel  free to just be yourself because no matter what you know your family will never stop loving you.
Just because someone wants to be a parent does not give them the “right” to have one.  Just because they have the means to support one, does not make them good parent material. Just because they go to church every time the doors are open does not make them good Christians, Jew or whatever their faith is.  
Why can’t people  accept the fact that sometimes it only takes a little bit of scratching to unearth the true nature under the façade these “good people” are showing.
It’s a sad fact but so true that until changes are made abuse of adopted and foster children, as well as bio-children will continue because of this ignorance.
"Touched by Adoption, With a Blowtorch!!!" http://shelby-girl-walker.virtual-memorials.com/

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

California Court of Appeal Affirms Mom's $4.9 Million Award Against Social Services Agency

RE: Fogarty-Hardwick v. County of Orange, et al. Superior Court of California, County of Orange Case No. 01CC02379 (Trial before Hon. Ronald L. Bauer, Dept. CX103) In 2007 an Orange County jury returned a $4.9 million verdict in favor of Deanna Fogarty-Hardwick finding that county social workers had lied to the juvenile court in order to cause the removal of Fogarty-Hardwick's young children - 6 and 9 years old at the time. In a unanimous scathing opinion issued Monday, June 14, 2010, Division Three of the Fourth District Court of Appeal noted that the evidence presented at trial led both the judge and jury to conclude that "something seriously wrong had been done to Fogarty-Hardwick" and that the conduct of the social workers was not "an isolated incident." The Court of Appeal went on to chastise the County saying "This conclusion is something that should be taken very seriously.

San Diego, CA (PRWEB) June 18, 2010
A California Appellate Court found this week against Orange County and its Social Services Agency, and Affirmed what is called a “Substantial” damages award arising from a Civil Rights Verdict obtained in May 2007.
After in depth review of extensive briefs and a complex record, Division Three of the Fourth District Court of Appeal for the State of California issues its opinion today affirming an Orange County jury’s verdict awarding Deanna Fogarty-Hardwick approximately $4.9 million against the County of Orange, and two of its social workers.
In its opinion, the Court of Appeal voiced its concerns over what happened to Ms. Fogarty-Hardwick: “Stated plainly, the outcome of this case cannot be dismissed as merely the unfortunate product of a runaway jury. The evidence adduced at trial obviously caused both the jury and the judge to conclude not only that something seriously wrong was done to Fogarty-Hardwick in this case, but also that the wrongful conduct was not an isolated incident. That conclusion is something the County should be taking very seriously.”
The underlying case was filed by Deanna Fogarty-Hardwick against the County of Orange in February 2001. The suit alleged that Orange County, social worker Marcia Vreeken and her supervisor Helen Dwojak violated Ms. Fogarty-Hardwick’s constitutional rights to raise and associate with her children free from governmental interference.
On March 23,2007 an Orange County Jury found against Orange County, social worker Marcia Vreeken, and social worker supervisor Helen Dwojak and awarded monetary damages of $4.9 million. A third social worker, Elaine Wilkins was found not liable.
Lead attorney Shawn A. McMillan states: “Ms. Fogarty is very pleased with the Court of Appeal’s decision to uphold the verdict. This case encompasses extremely important issues for the people of Orange County, and the People of the State of California. Allegations of social worker misconduct of the type proven in this case is "ubiquitous" as admitted in an Amicus Brief filed by the California Association of Counties. Hopefully, the 52 counties that belong to the association will take note of the outcome of this case and promulgate policies to prevent their social workers from engaging in this type of conduct in the future.”
    San Diego Lawyer Shawn A. McMillan, of the Law Offices of Shawn A.
    McMillan, was lead trial counsel in the case, and the lead
    appellate attorney. Attorney Sondra Sutherland was co-counsel at trial and assisted on the appeal.
RE: Fogarty-Hardwick v. County of Orange, et al.
Superior Court of California, County of Orange
Case No. 01CC02379 (Trial before Hon. Ronald L. Bauer, Dept. CX103)
###

Quote startIn this case, the jury specifically concluded that Vreeken and Dwojak lied, falsified evidence, and suppressed exculpatory evidence...There was no error in rejecting qualified immunity in this case.Quote end

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Kisses in the Wind

i hold you in my heart
& touch you in my dreams
you are here each day with me
at least that's how it seems
i know you wonder where we are
what's taking us so long
but remember child, i love you so
& God will keep you strong
now go outside & feel the breeze
& let it touch your skin
because tonight, just as always
i blow you kisses in the wind
may God hold you in His hand
until i can be with you
i promise you, my darling
i'm doing all that i can do
very soon, you'll have a family
for real & not pretend
but for tonight, just as always
i blow you kisses in the wind
may God wrap you in His arms
& hold you very tight
& let the angels bring the kisses
that I send to you each night

Perspective

I hear a mother complain about her child 'talking back to her' & think...
I wish my child could talk.
`
I see two brothers playing tag at the park & think...
I wish my child could do that.
`
I hear a mother complain about her daughter's choice of wardrobe & think...
I wish my child could choose & dress himself.
`
I see my son line up his legos & think...
I wish he would build something with them.
`
I complain about my child's picky eating...
& think about all the children who have to be fed through tubes.
`
I see my child climbing on the table...
& think of the children who can't walk or climb.
`
I see a child with leukemia & think...
at least my child's physically healthy.
`
I receive from & give hugs to my son...
& think of the mothers who've never received a hug from their child.
`
I hear my son say "Mama" for the first time...
& I thank God.
`
I look at my son & am in awe at the beautiful gift God's given me. God only gives us as much as we can handle. Sometimes it seems as though we cannot cope with all the struggles, but we must remember we're CHOSEN as strong parents of VERY Special children.

BBQ Rules

we're certainly into the BBQ season - therefore it's important to refresh our memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity - when a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:
`
Routine...
(1) the woman buys the food
(2) the woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables & makes dessert
(3) the woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils & sauces & takes it to the man who's lounging beside the grill
(4) the woman remains outside the compulsory three metre exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone & other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman
(5) the man places the meat on the grill
(6) the woman goes inside to organize the plates & cutlery
(7) the woman comes out to tell the man that the meat's looking great
(8) the man takes the meat off the grill & hands it to the woman
(9) the woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauce & brings them to the table
(10) after eating, the woman clears the table & does the dishes
(11) everyone praises the man & thanks him for his cooking efforts
(12) the man asks the woman how she enjoyed her 'night off' & upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women

If you give mom a muffin

If you give a mom a muffin,
she'll want a cup of coffee to go with it.
So she'll pour herself some.
The coffee will get spilled by her three year old.
She'll wipe it up.
Wiping the floor,
she'll find some dirty socks.
She'll remember she has to do some laundry.
When she puts the laundry in the washer,
She'll trip over some snow boots & bump into the freezer.
Bumping into the freezer will remind her
she has to plan supper for tonight
She'll get out a pound of hamburger.
She'll look for her cookbook
(101 Things To Make With a Pound of Hamburger).
The cookbook's sitting under a pile of mail
She'll see the phone bill which's due tomorrow
She'll look for the checkbook.
The checkbook's in her purse
that's being dumped out by her two year old.
Bending down to scoop up the contents already on the floor,
she'll smell something funny.
She'll change the two year old.
While she's changing the two year old
the phone will ring. (Of course!)
Her five year old will answer it & hang up.
She remembers that she wants to phone a friend
to come over for coffee on Friday.
Thinking of coffee will remind her
that she was going to have a cup.
She'll pour herself some,
& chances are, if she has a cup of coffee,
her kids will have eaten the muffin that went with it.

Scars

Some years ago, on a hot summer day in South Florida , a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house. In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks & shirt as he went. He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore. His father, working in the yard, saw the two as they got closer & closer together. In utter fear, he ran toward the water, yelling to his son as loudly as he could. Hearing his voice, the little boy became alarmed & made a U-turn to swim to his father. It was too late. Just as he reached his father, the alligator reached him. From the dock, the father grabbed his little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the father, but the father was much too passionate to let go. A farmer happened to drive by, heard his screams, raced from his truck, took aim & shot the alligator. Remarkably, after weeks & weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. On his arms, were deep scratches where his father's fingernails dug into his flesh in his effort to hang on to the son he loved. The newspaper reporter, who interviewed the boy after the trauma, asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. Then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, 'But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Dad wouldn't let go.'

Monday, November 15, 2010

The note my oldest, Michelle, wrote. She gave it to me the last time I saw them.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Somebody

Somebody is very proud of you.
Somebody is thinking of you.
Somebody misses you.
Somebody wants to be with you.
Somebody is thankful for you.
Somebody wants to hold your hand.
Somebody hopes everything turns out all right.
Somebody wants you to be happy.
Somebody wants to give you a gift.
Somebody thinks you ARE a gift.
Somebody wants to hug you.
Somebody wants to protect you.
Somebody can't wait to see you.
Somebody loves you for who you are.
Somebody treasures your spirit.
Somebody wants you to know they never forgot you..
Somebody would do anything for you.
Somebody wants to share their dreams with you.
Somebody believes in you.
Somebody will cry when they read this.
Somebody needs you to have faith in them.
Somebody hears a song that reminds them of you.
Somebody hopes you understand.
Somebody wonders if you will love them.
Somebody is your birth mom out there...

Title 5-E adoption assistance requirements.

http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/f_subsid.cfm

provides an overview of the Title IV-E federal foster care program funding

The Federal foster care program pays a portion of States’ costs to
provide care for children removed from welfare-eligible homes
because of maltreatment. Authorized under Title IV-E of the
Social Security Act, the program’s funding (approximately $5
billion per year) is structured as an uncapped entitlement, so any
qualifying State expenditure will be partially reimbursed, or
“matched,” without limit. This paper provides an overview of the
program’s funding structure and documents several key weaknesses.
It concludes with a discussion of the Administration’s legislative
proposal to establish a more flexible financing system.
The program’s documentation requirements are
burdensome.
States may claim Federal funds, each matched at a different rate.
In addition, there are several statutory eligibility rules that must be
met in order to justify the Title IV-E claims made on a child’s
behalf. Some of these apply at the time a child enters foster care,
while others must be documented on an ongoing basis. The time
and costs involved in documenting and justifying claims is
significant.
There are four categories of expenditures for which
Differing claiming practices result in wide variations in
funding among States.
foster care funds received by States ranges from $4,155 to $33,091
per eligible child, based on three year average claims from FY2001
through FY2003. It is unlikely these disparities are the result of
actual differences in the cost of operating foster care programs or
reflect differential needs among foster children.

http://aspe.hhs.gov/hsp/05/fc-financing-ib/ib.pdf links you to the rest of the brief.... Utah ranked #4 on the list for recieving funds.
The average annual amount of Federal

Friday, November 12, 2010

Family Photo 2010

Our Family Christmas Photo 2010....
The only thing that would have made it perfect, my other three daughters in it. I can't wait they are back with me.


.... PRIVACY NOTICE:
Warning--any person and/or institution and/or Agent and/or Agency of any governmental structure including but not limited to the United States Federal Government also using or monitoring/using this website or any of its associated websites, you do NOT have my permission to utilize any of my profile information nor any of the content contained herein including, but not limited to my photos, and/ or the comments made about my photo's or any other "picture" art posted on my profile. You are hereby notified that you are strictly prohibited from disclosing, copying, distributing, disseminating, or taking any other action against me with regard to this profile and the contents herein. The foregoing prohibitions also apply to your employee(s), agent(s), student(s) or any personnel under your direction or control. The contents of this profile are private and legally privileged and confidential information, and the violation of my personal privacy is punishable by law.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Creed to Live By

Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself for others.
It is because we are different that each of us is special.
Don't set your goals by what other people deem important.
Only you know what is best for you.
Don't take for granted the things closest to your heart.
Cling to them as they would your life, for without them, life is meaningless.
Don't let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or for the future.
By living your life one day at a time, you live ALL the days of your life.
Don't give up when you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
Don't be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect.
It is this fragile thread that binds us each together.
Don't be afraid to encounter risks.
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find time.
The quickest way to receive love is to give;
the fastest way to lose love is to hold it too tightly;
and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
Don't run through life so fast that you forget not only where you've been,
but also where you are going.
Don't forget, a person's greatest emotional need is to feel appreciated.
Don't be afraid to learn. Knowledge is weightless,
a treasure you can always carry easily.
Don't use time or words carelessly. Neither can be retrieved.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savored each step of the way.
Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery and Today is a gift:
that's why we call it The Present.

I Asked

I asked God to take away my pride.
God said "No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up."
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said "No.
Her spirit is whole, her body was only temporary."
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said "No.
Patience is a by-product of tribulations;
it isn’t granted, it is earned."
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said "No.
I give you blessings, happiness is up to you."
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said "No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares
and brings you closer to me."
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said "No.
You must grow on your own,
but I will prune you to make you fruitful."
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said "No.
I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things."
I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as he loves me.
God said..."Ahhhh....finally you have the idea!"

Exiled Mothers

Exiled mothers

Things that are NOT to be said to Exiled Mothers

1. Forget about it (your baby) and get on with your life. (My response is always, they are my life.)
2. Leave well enough alone, s/he has another family now.
3. You did the right thing.
4. You will destroy/disrupt her/his life if you make contact.
5. You would have been unable to provide for your child.
6. It was better for the baby to have two parents.
7. Let sleeping dogs lie.
8. S/he has her own family now.
9. But you’ve had other children and you should be happy now.
10. Why don’t you just let it go?
11. S/he was better off.
12. It’s water over the bridge now.
13. If s/he needs you s/he’ll come searching for you. You should’nt search for her/him!
14. You made the decision and you can’t change your mind.
15. But you’re not really herhis mother.
16. That was a long time ago. What’s the matter with you?
17. S/he’s turned out to be a nice person, so you should be grateful.
18. I don’t know how you could do it... I could never give up my child.
19. If you really love her/him you will give her up, otherwise you are selfish.
20. No one will ever want to marry you with someone else’s child.
21. There is no way you can work and care for your child properly. S/he will have to spend most of the day with a babysitter!!
22. Don’t get too attached to the baby.
23. You’re so lucky they send you pictures.
24. That’s so nice of them to let you see her/him.
25. Aren’t they afraid you’re going to take her/him back?
26. How could you give away such a beautiful child?
27. You’re confusing them by staying in their life.
28. What a wonderful gift you gave them (the adoptive parents).
29. Tell people to say that their child died.
30. You are not the father you are just the sperm donor. .
31. You have no right to be in his/her life anymore you have relinquished all rights as a parent, no wonder his/her family feels so threatened.
32. I know how you feel.
33. It’s not like you can’t have other children.
34. At least s/he will be loved now.
35. "Thank you for giving me your daughter." (Children are NOT gifts!!!!)Your joy was based upon my pain. Don’t thank me for that!
36. You should be grateful he/she even speaks to you.
37. When she’s crying on his birthday:"This is the price you pay for sin."
38. Get over it!

Adoptees

Adoptees

Things that are NOT to be said to Adoptees:

1. You’re special because you’re adopted.
2. You were chosen.
3. Your mother loved you so much that she gave you up.
4. You’re lucky.
5. It doesn’t matter.
6. You shouldn’t be angry.
7. You shouldn’t be sad.
8. You should be careful what you ask for -- you might get it.
9. By finding her, you’re invading her life.
10. Why are you interested in someone who didn’t want you ?
11. Why do you want to find someone you didn’t ever know?
12. Ever since you started searching you have become obsessed.
13. ...but your adoptive parents love(d) you so much.
14. ...but you’re hurting your adoptive parents
15. Babies don’t remember anything.
16. You’re being ungrateful!
17. You have no respect for your adoptive parents.
18. Get over it!
19. If she loved you, she wouldn’t have given you away.
20. You’re being over sensititve
21. Forget it and get on with your life.
22. Why would you want to find her?
23. It’s the past, you can’t change it.
24. You have no right to disturb her life.
25. ...but your adoptive parents really wanted you.
26. What’s wrong? Weren’t your adoptive parents good enough?
27. You’re being selfish and disrespectful!
28. Didn’t your parents do a good enough job?
29. How many mothers do you need?
30. Oh...you’re one of them?
31. You adopted children should respect her privacy.
32. ...but you look like you come from such a good family.
33. ...but you don’t look adopted.
34. Well, maybe that’s the way it was meant to be.
35. If she didn’t want you then, why would she want you now. You’ll get rejected.
36. You might be opening Pandora’s Box
37. You don’t need to know
38. Your grandmother (grandfather, aunt, uncle, other family member, etc.) doesn’t consider you "family" because you’re not blood-related.
39. Ohh, your so lucky you could be someones love child.
40. What’s it like being adopted?
41. You don’t look like your family, are you adopted or something?
42. Get over it!

Is this Child not mine?

 Is This Child Not Mine?   
       By T. A. Mennie      February 16,1997
 If you can tell me at which point in time my child became not mine, tell me?
 If you can tell me that the child that grew inside my body, born form love, became not mine, tell me.
 When did his genetics his DNA become not mine, tell me?
 When does he not become a part of my heart, soul, my very being, tell me?
 No judge, no law, can now or ever make my child not mine.
 He may have been raised by another Mother, but he will always be mine.
 I shall always exist within him.
 Whether or not he knows it, believes it, or acknowledges it.
 I am a part of my son, he lives and breathes because I loved him.
 I wanted him. I have missed all of his growing up.  I miss him now.
I am his Mother, I am just "Not" the Mother that raised him.
 My son may never call me Mother, but that does not change who or what I am to him.
To be called Mom is a gift, only he can give.
Yes, I know we do not own our children.  But I don’t know one Mother, biological or adoptive, that does not refer to the child she raises, as MY CHILD.

My Name is "Meth"

My Name: "Is Meth"
I destroy homes, I tear families apart,
I take your children, and that’s just the start.
I’m more costly than diamonds, more precious than gold,
The sorrow I bring is a sight to behold.
If you need me, remember I’m easily found,
I live all around you - in schools and in town.
I live with the rich; I live with the poor,
I live down the street, and maybe next door.
I’m made in a lab, but not like you think,
I can be made under the kitchen sink.
In your child’s closet, and even in the woods,
If this scares you to death, well it certainly should.
I have many names, but there’s one you know best,
I’m sure you’ve heard of me, my name is crystal meth.
My power is awesome; try me you’ll see,
But if you do, you may never break free.
Just try me once and I might let you go,
But try me twice, and I’ll own your soul.
When I possess you, you’ll steal and you’ll lie,
You do what you have to -- just to get high.
The crimes you’ll commit for my narcotic charms,
Will be worth the pleasure you’ll feel in your arms, your lungs your nose.
You’ll lie to your mother; you’ll steal from your dad,
When you see their tears, you should feel sad.
But you’ll forget your morals and how you were raised,
I’ll be your conscience, I’ll teach you my ways.
I take kids from parents, and parents from kids,
I turn people from God, and separate friends.
I’ll take everything from you, your looks and your pride,
I’ll be with you always -- right by your side.
You’ll give up everything - your family, your home,
Your friends, your money, then you’ll be alone.
I’ll take and take, till you have nothing more to give,
When I’m finished with you, you’ll be lucky to live.
If you try me be warned - this is no game,
If given the chance, I’ll drive you insane.
I’ll ravish your body, I’ll control your mind,
I’ll own you completely! , your soul will be mine.
The nightmares I’ll give you while lying in bed,
The voices you’ll hear, from inside your head.
The sweats, the shakes, the visions you’ll see,
I want you to know, these are all gifts from me.
But then it’s too late, and you’ll know in your heart,
That you are mine, and we shall not part.
You’ll regret that you tried me, they always do,
But you came to me, not I to you.
You knew this would happen, many times you were told,
But you challenged my power, and chose to be bold.
You could have said no, and just walked away,
If you could live that day over, now what would you say?
I’ll be your master, you will be my slave,
I’ll even go with you, when you go to your grave.
Now that you have met me, what will you do?
Will you try me or not? It’s all up to you.
I can bring you more misery than words can tell,
Come take my hand, let me lead you to hell.
If you care enough, please copy, paste and send this profound poem to all your friends; and share the deadly outcome of this drug that is killing our young people & even our old.

Why?



Why?
I heard I should forgive you even though you took me from my mom;
You knew my Mommy loved me, and was never mean or bad.
Some people also say I should tell you that I love you,
Even after all the pain you made me suffer through,
By the lies in which you told made it so I couldn’t see my mom.
But through my tears I wonder,’ why should I even bother?"
You took away important years meant for mom and me-
I missed out on so very much, this wasn’t meant to be!
I didn’t get to do the things Moms and their children do,
I was denied my Mommy, and all because of you!
I didn’t get to feel her warm hugs whenever I was sad;
She wasn’t there to sit with me at night when I was scarred.
She couldn’t chase away the monsters hiding under my bed;
Because of you, there are times I wished I was dead!
"Where’s my Mommy?" I would cry, "why did she have to go?
I need and want my Mommy! Oh, I love and miss her so!"
Yet, even though my Mom’s not here, I feel her in my heart….
As we love eat other so very much, our spirits will never part.
I’ll say I love and forgive you now, because I know
My Mommy’s always with me, even though you made her go!
Sincerely, Me

That'll Do


A kind and steady heart
Can make a grey sky blue
And a task that seems impossible
Is quite possible for you
A kind and steady heart
Is sure to see you through
It might not seem like very much right now
But it’ll do, it’ll do
When you find yourself in the middle of a storm
And your tired cold and wet
And your looking for a place that’s cozy and warm
You’ll make it if you never forget
A kind and steady heart
Can conquer doubt and fear
A little courage goes a long way
Gets you a little further down the road each day
And before you know it
You’ll hear someone say
That’ll do babe, that’ll do.

Your Heart Will Lead You Home......

Sunny days and starry nights and lazy afternoons
You’re countin’ castles in the clouds and hummin’ little tunes
But somehow, right before your eyes the summer fades away
And everything is different, everything has changed
If you feel lost and on your own
Far from home
Your never alone, you know
The ones who care
They all will be waiting there
With love to share
And your heart will lead you home
Funny how a photograph can take you back in time
To faces and embraces that you’d thought you left behind
They’re trying to remind you that your not the only one
No one is an island when all is said and done
There’ll come a day when your losing your way
And you don’t know where you belong they say that
"Home is where the heart is"
So follow your heart
And know that you can’t go wrong

Walk with me


Walk in my shoes for one single day.
Then you’ll see why I need to pray.
Come live in my home for a week or two
And then remember I am just like you.
I didn’t ask for the things I was given
I didn’t choose this road I have taken
Walk a mile with me hand in hand
Then perhaps you will understand.
I’m not really complaining about the stress in my life,
I know that we all have some toil and some strife.
But walk with me, when you think
I am wrong, walk with me and you’ll start to belong.
Embrace my sorrows, like they are your own,
And then you will know me and see I have grown.
The journey I take is different from yours,
My life took one of those unexpected detours.
But this road that I travel is not really so long,
If the people who watch me will join in my song.
Listen to my footsteps and watch how I dance
And then you will know me and give me a chance.
Take heart and remember it can happen to you,
who knows where my pathway will cross over to you?
So speak to me softly if you can’t understand
Remember I once stood right there where you stand.
And walk with me gently when the day is at end.
And then I will know
I can call you my
Friend.

Please just let me cry

Please, don’t ask if I’m over it yet.
I will never be over it.
Please, don’t tell me he’s in a better place.
He isn’t here with me.
Please, don’t tell me he isn’t suffering,
I haven’t come to terms with
Why he had to suffer at all.
Please, don’t tell me that you know how I feel,
Unless you’ve lost a child, too.
Please, don’t ask me if I feel better.
Bereavement isn’t a condition that clears up.
Please, don’t tell me at least you
Had him for sometime…
When would you chose for your child to die?
Please, don’t tell me God never gives
Us more than we can bear.
Please, just say your sorry.
Please, just say you remember my child,
If you do.
Please, just mention their name.
Please, just let me cry.
For
"Baby J"
23 July 2005

"Children learn what they live"


If a child lives with criticism- he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with security- he learns to have faith.
If a child lives with hostility- he learns to fight.
If a child lives with fairness- he learns justice.
If a child lives with ridicule- he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with praise- he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with shame- he learns to feel ashamed.
If a child lives with encouragement- he learns confidence.
If a child lives with tolerance- he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with approval- he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship-
He learns to find love in the world
.

Family & Friends

Family & Friends


The two things we’re most grateful for
Are our family and our friends-
The care they have provided,
The love so strong and true,
the thoughtfulness that’s spoken
In words and actions, too.
Our grandmas and our grandpas,
Our mothers and our fathers,
Our brothers and our sisters
Are there through good and bad.
They’re special friends to share with,
Our smiles, our hopes, our fears.
When counting all Gods blessings,
-Gifts of love that never end-
We can count on friends and family
And our family as true friends
.

Observations

Observations…*I used to eat a lot of natural foods, until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
*The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
*Never take life seriously, nobody gets out alive anyway.
*There are two kinds of pedestrians, the quick and the dead.
*Life is sexually transmitted.
*An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
*If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who’s the fool who said "quit while your ahead."
*Healthy is merely the slowest rate at which one can die.
*The only difference between a rut and a grave, is the depth. Dr Phil says that a rut is just a grave
that is open on both ends.
*Always get the last word in: apologize.
*Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.
*When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is
to pull it out. If it comes out easily, it’s a valuable plant.
*Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach that person to use the internet and they
wont bother you for weeks.
*Some people are like slinkies, not really good for anything, but you still cant help but smile
when you see one tumble down the stairs.
*Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
*Have you noticed that since everyone has a camcorder these days, no one talks about seeing
UFO’s like they used to?
*All of us could take a lesson from the weather, it pays no attention to critics.
*Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you
thirty cents?
*In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take
Prozac to make it normal.
*Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have come to realize that it bears a
very close resemblance to the first.
*How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
*You read about all these terrorists, most of them here legally, but hung around on these expired
visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to blockbusters; you are two days
late with a video and those are all over you. Lets put blockbuster in charge of immigration.

Government rewards tear families apart!

My daughters were taken and placed in an adoptive placement before my rights were every terminated. They were even snatched from their grandparents with the sole purpose of making money.......

DSS and affiliates rewarded for breaking up families
By Nev Moore
Massachusetts News

Child "protection" is one of the biggest businesses in the country. We spend $12 billion a year on it.
The money goes to tens of thousands of a) state employees, b) collateral professionals, such as lawyers, court personnel, court investigators, evaluators and guardians, judges, and c) DSS contracted vendors such as counselors, therapists, more "evaluators", junk psychologists, residential facilities, foster parents, adoptive parents, MSPCC, Big Brothers/Big Sisters, YMCA, etc. This newspaper is not big enough to list all of the people in this state who have a job, draw a paycheck, or make their profits off the kids in DSS custody. In this article I explain the financial infrastructure that provides the motivation for DSS to take people’s children – and not give them back.
In 1974 Walter Mondale promoted the Child Abuse and Prevention Act which began feeding massive amounts of federal funding to states to set up programs to combat child abuse and neglect. From that came Child "Protective" Services, as we know it today. After the bill passed, Mondale himself expressed concerns that it could be misused. He worried that it could lead states to create a "business" in dealing with children.
Then in 1997 President Clinton passed the "Adoption and Safe Families Act." The public relations campaign promoted it as a way to help abused and neglected children who languished in foster care for years, often being shuffled among dozens of foster homes, never having a real home and family. In a press release from the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services dated November 24, 1999, it refers to "President Clinton’s initiative to double by 2002 the number of children in foster care who are adopted or otherwise permanently placed.
"It all sounded so heartwarming. We, the American public, are so easily led. We love to buy stereotypes; we just eat them up, no questions asked. But, my mother, bless her heart, taught me from the time I was young to "consider the source." In the stereotype that we’ve been sold about kids in foster care, we picture a forlorn, hollow-eyed child, thin and pale, looking up at us beseechingly through a dirt streaked face. Unconsciously, we pull up old pictures from Life magazine of children in Appalachia in the 1930s. We think of orphans and children abandoned by parents who look like Manson family members. We play a nostalgic movie in our heads of the little fellow shyly walking across an emerald green, manicured lawn to meet Ward and June Cleaver, his new adoptive parents, who lead him into their lovely suburban home. We imagine the little tyke’s eyes growing as big as saucers as the Cleavers show him his very own room, full of toys and sports gear. And we just feel so gosh darn good about ourselves.
Now it’s time to wake up to the reality of the adoption business.
Very few children who are being used to supply the adoption market are hollow-eyed tykes from Appalachia. Very few are crack babies from the projects. [Oh… you thought those were the children they were saving? Think again]. When you are marketing a product you have to provide a desirable product that sells. In the adoption business that would be nice kids with reasonably good genetics who clean up good. An interesting point is that the Cape Cod & Islands office leads the state in terms of processing kids into the system and having them adopted out. More than the inner city areas, the projects, Mission Hill, Brockton, Lynn, etc.

Interesting…With the implementation of the Adoption and Safe Families Act, President Clinton tried to make himself look like a humanitarian who is responsible for saving the abused and neglected children. The drive of this initiative is to offer cash "bonuses" to states for every child they have adopted out of foster care, with the goal of doubling their adoptions by 2002, and sustaining that for each subsequent year. They actually call them "adoption incentive bonuses," to promote the adoption of children.

Where to Find the ChildrenA whole new industry was put into motion. A sweet marketing scheme that even Bill Gates could envy.
Now, if you have a basket of apples, and people start giving you $100 per apple, what are you going to do? Make sure that you have an unlimited supply of apples, right?
The United States Department of Health & Human Services administers Child Protective Services. To accompany the ASF Act, the President requested, by executive memorandum, an initiative entitled Adoption 2002, to be implemented and managed by Health & Human Services. The initiative not only gives the cash adoption bonuses to the states, it also provides cash adoption subsidies to adoptive parents until the children turn eighteen.
Everybody makes money. If anyone really believes that these people are doing this out of the goodness of their hearts, then I’ve got some bad news for you. The fact that this program is run by HHS, ordered from the very top, explains why the citizens who are victims of DSS get no response from their legislators. It explains why no one in the Administration cares about the abuse and fatalities of children in the "care" of DSS, and no one wants to hear about the broken arms, verbal abuse, or rapes. They are just business casualties. It explains why the legislators I’ve talked to for the past three years look at me with pity. Because I’m preaching to the already damned.
The legislators have forgotten who funds their paychecks and who they need to account to, as has the Governor. Because it isn’t the President. It’s us.

How DSS Is HelpedThe way that the adoption bonuses work is that each state is given a baseline number of expected adoptions based on population.
For every child that DSS can get adopted, there is a bonus of $4,000 to $6,000.
But that is just the starting figure in a complex mathematical formula in which each bonus is multiplied by the percentage that the state has managed to exceed its baseline adoption number. The states must maintain this increase in each successive year. [Like compound interest.] The bill reads: "$4,000 to $6,000 will be multiplied by the amount (if any) by which the number of foster child adoptions in the State exceeds the base number of foster child adoptions for the State for the fiscal year." In the "technical assistance" section of the bill it states that, "the Secretary [of HHS] may, directly or through grants or contracts, provide technical assistance to assist states and local communities to reach their targets for increased numbers of adoptions for children in foster care." The technical assistance is to support "the goal of encouraging more adoptions out of the foster care system; the development of best practice guidelines for expediting the termination of parental rights; the development of special units and expertise in moving children toward adoption as a permanent goal; models to encourage the fast tracking of children who have not attained 1 year of age into pre-adoptive placements; and the development of programs that place children into pre-adoptive placements without waiting for termination of parental rights."In the November press release from HHS it continues, " HHS awarded the first ever adoption bonuses to States for increases in the adoption of children from the public foster care system." Some of the other incentives offered are "innovative grants" to reduce barriers to adoption [i.e., parents], more State support for adoptive families, making adoption affordable for families by providing cash subsides and tax credits.
A report from a private think tank, the National Center for Policy Analysis, reads: "The way the federal government reimburses States rewards a growth in the size of the program instead of the effective care of children." Another incentive being promoted is the use of the Internet to make adoption easier. Clinton directed HHS to develop an Internet site to "link children in foster care with adoptive families." So we will be able to window shop for children on a government web site. If you don’t find anything you like there, you can surf on over to the "Adopt Shoppe.
"If you prefer to actually be able to kick tires instead of just looking at pictures you could attend one of DSS’s quaint "Adoption Fairs," where live children are put on display and you can walk around and browse. Like a flea market to sell kids. If one of them begs you to take him home you can always say, "Sorry. Just looking." The incentives for government child snatching are so good that I’m surprised we don’t have government agents breaking down people’s doors and just shooting the parents in the heads and grabbing the kids. But then, if you need more apples you don’t chop down your apple trees.

Benefits for Foster ParentsThat covers the goodies the State gets. Now let’s have a look at how the Cleavers make out financially after the adoption is finalized.
After the adoption is finalized, the State and federal subsidies continue. The adoptive parents may collect cash subsidies until the child is 18. If the child stays in school, subsidies continue to the age of 22. There are State funded subsidies as well as federal funds through the Title IV-E section of the Social Security Act. The daily rate for State funds is the same as the foster care payments, which range from $410-$486 per month per child. Unless the child can be designated "special needs," which of course, they all can.
According to the NAATRIN State Subsidy profile from DSS, "special needs" may be defined as: "Physical disability, mental disability, emotional disturbance; a significant emotional tie with the foster parents where the child has resided with the foster parents for one or more years and separation would adversely affect the child’s development if not adopted by them." [But their significant emotional ties with their parents, since birth, never enter the equation.
Additional "special needs" designations are: a child twelve years of age or older; racial or ethnic factors; child having siblings or half-siblings. In their report on the State of the Children, Boston’s Institute for Children says: "In part because the States can garner extra federal funds for special needs children the designation has been broadened so far as to become meaningless." "Special needs" children may also get an additional Social Security check.
The adoptive parents also receive Medicaid for the child, a clothing allowance and reimbursement for adoption costs such as adoption fees, court and attorney fees, cost of adoption home study, and "reasonable costs of food and lodging for the child and adoptive parents when necessary to complete the adoption process." Under Title XX of the Social Security Act adoptive parents are also entitled to post adoption services "that may be helpful in keeping the family intact," including "daycare, specialized daycare, respite care, in-house support services such as housekeeping, and personal care, counseling, and other child welfare services".
[Wow! Everything short of being knighted by the Queen!]
The subsidy profile actually states that it does not include money to remodel the home to accommodate the child. But, as subsidies can be negotiated, remodeling could possibly be accomplished under the "innovative incentives to remove barriers to adoption" section. The subsidy regulations read that "adoption assistance is based solely on the needs of the child without regard to the income of the family." What an interesting government policy when compared to the welfare program that the same child’s mother may have been .. losing her children, and in which she may not own anything, must prove that she has no money in the bank; no boats, real estate, stocks or bonds; and cannot even own a car that is safe to drive worth over $1000. This is all so she can collect $539 per month for herself and two children. The foster parent who gets her children gets $820 plus. We spit on the mother on welfare as a parasite who is bleeding the taxpayers, yet we hold the foster and adoptive parents [who are bleeding ten times as much from the taxpayers] up as saints. The adoptive and foster parents aren’t subjected to psychological evaluations, ink blot tests, MMPI’s, drug & alcohol evaluations, or urine screens as the parents are.
Adoption subsidies may be negotiated on a case by case basis. [Anyone ever tried to "negotiate" with the Welfare Department?] There are many e-mail lists and books published to teach adoptive parents how to negotiate to maximize their subsidies. As one pro writes on an e-mail list: "We receive a subsidy for our kids of $1,900 per month plus another $500 from the State of Florida. We are trying to adopt three more teens and we will get subsidies for them, too. It sure helps out with the bills.
"I can’t help but wonder why we don’t give this same level of support to the children’s parents in the first place? According to Cornell University, about 68% of all child protective cases "do not involve child maltreatment." The largest percentage of CPS/DSS cases are for "deprivation of necessities" due to poverty. So, if the natural parents were given the incredible incentives and services listed above that are provided to the adoptive parents, wouldn’t it stand to reason that the causes for removing children in the first place would be eliminated? How many less children would enter foster care in the first place? The child protective budget would be reduced from $12 billion to around $4 billion. Granted, tens of thousands of social workers, administrators, lawyers, juvenile court personnel, therapists, and foster parents would be out of business, but we would have safe, healthy, intact families, which are the foundation of any society.
That’s just a fantasy, of course. The reality is that maybe we will see Kathleen Crowley’s children on the government home-shopping-for-children web site and some one out there can buy them.

For those who have lost a loved one


When tomorrow starts without me,

and I'm not there to see;

If the sun should rise and find your eyes,

all filled with tears for me;

I wish so much you wouldn't cry,

the way you did today,

while thinking of the many things,

we didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,

as much as I love you,

and each time that you think of me,

I know you'll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me,

please try to understand,

that an Angel came and called my name,

and took me by the hand,

and said my place was ready,

in heaven far above,

and that I'd have to leave behind,

all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,

a tear fell from my eye,

for all life, I'd always thought,

I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,

so much yet to do,

it seemed almost impossible,

that I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,

the good ones and the bad,

I thought of all the love we shared,

and all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,

just even for awhile,

I'd say goodbye and kiss you

and maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,

that this could never be,

for emptiness and memories,

would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,

I might miss come tomorrow,

I thought of you, and when I did,

my heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked through heaven's gates,

I felt so much at home.

When God looked down and smiled at me,
from His great golden throne,

He said, "This is eternity,

and all I've promised you".

Today for life on earth is past,

but here it starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,

but today will always last,

and since each day's the same day,

there's no longing for the past.

But you have been so faithful,

so trusting and so true.

Though there were times you did some things,

you knew you shouldn't do.

But you have been forgiven

and now at last you're free.

So won't you take my hand

and share my life with me?
So when tomorrow starts without me,

don't think we're far apart,

for every time you think of me,

I'm right here, in your heart.

Hold On

HOLD ON
My child, I see your pain.
I see your sorrow.
I feel your heartache.
I hear the questions that
Roam through your mind.
Wandering whether or not
I have heard your prayers
Hold on, I assure you I have,
I have not forgotten you
Your faith rises and
The doubts do too
You must trust Me,
I will see you through
My child, the day is coming when
Your mourning will turn to laughter.
The day is coming when
Your sorrow will turn to joy.
Hold on, I have not forgotten you.
I have not forgotten the circumstances
And the trials that surround you.
I have not forgotten your tears
Hold on, I am with you.
I see all, know all, and hear all.
Resist any anger or bitterness
That may arise within you.
Hold on,
I have not forgotten you

SBS... Beyond Pissed Off

Current mood:angry

SBS...beyond pissed off!!!

Another person posted this... It needs to be SAID&HEARD!!!!

You know I am beyond pissed to see all of these babies who are suffering from SBS and those who have passed because of it. I do not understand how anyone can hurt an innocent baby. Especially the child parents. How could you abuse your own child. Are people really that stupid to shake a baby. Yeah it makes them stop crying but the reason why they stop crying is beacuse that person has damaged that babies brain beyond belief!!! ASSHOLES NEED TO GET A CLUE AND THOSE WHO SHAKE A BABY SHOULD BE PUT TO DEATH!!! NOT GET A SENTENCE OF 5 YEARS TO LIFE EVEN PROBATION!!! As a mother myself I could never imagine shaking or abusing my child!!! It is wrong!!! So wrong!!! I am actually afraid now to have anyone watch my child. I will never put my child in daycare. For heavens sake PLEASE watch who you leave your baby with!! Half of the people who have commited SBS have no history of violence what so ever. Again I don't understand how someone could hurt a precious baby. They do nothing wrong. So what if they are crying....crying never kills a baby!! Take a break if you get frustrated call someone for help to sit with the baby when you get frustrated!! The way I see it your baby should be the one who calms you not pisses you off. I know this because when I get frustrated when my son is crying I look into his eyes and he just melts me! Tears or no tears my son melts my heart!! If you don't like what Im saying then you can KISS MY ASS!!! NO CHILD SHOULD EVER BE EFLICTED WITH PAIN!!! How would you like it if I beat the shit out of you, slammed your head off of a wall, burned you and put you in the hospital haning on by a thread for your life??? How would you like to lose almost all of your brain function because I HURT YOU??? You wouldn't like to be confined to a wheel chair , not be able to eat or drink ever again!! Not be able to even talk!!! You know some of the mothers will never be able to hear their child SAY Mommy for the first time or Daddy for the first time!! And its all because of stupid ass people who only care about themselves and people who are no able to handle a baby crying!! These babies are gifts from god and they are precious!! EVERY HEAR HANDLE WITH CARE??? BABIES ARE SO FRAGILE!!! IF YOU SHAKE A BABY YOU WILL BREAK THAT BABY!! WHY DON'T PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THIS? SHAKING A BABY NEVER SOLVES ANY PROBLEMS.....ONLY MAKES THEM STOP CRYING BECAUSE THEY ARE SO DAMAGED AND SOME ARE BEYOND FIXING!!! I am so tired of seeing these families that are in pain!!! OPEN YOUR EYES AND BE EDUCATED ABOUT SBS AND CHILD ABUSE!!! WTF I REALLY HATE PEOPLE!!! ALL I KNOW THAT IF SOMEONE EVERY HURTS MY SON MAY GOD HELP THEM BECAUSE I DON'T TAKE THIS SUBJECT LIGHTLY!! I don't understand why someone who commits SBS may get the same sentence and some one who traffics drugs?? Do you see justice in this. I sure in the hell don't!!! Instead of some bullshit law about bullshit stuff the really important things sould be about protecting our children.

O'Great Spirit

Oh Great Spirit,
whose voice I hear in the winds,
and whose breath gives life to
all the world - hear me.
I come before you,
one of your children.
I am small and weak.
I need your strength and wisdom.
Let me walk in beauty and
make my eyes ever behold
the red and purple sunset.
Make my hands respect
the things you have made,
my ears sharp
to hear your voice.
Make me wise,
so that I may know the things
you have taught my people,
the lesson you have hidden
in every leaf and rock.
I seek strength not to
be superior to my brothers,
but to be able to fight
my greatest enemy, *MYSELF*.
Make me ever ready
to come to you,
with clean hands and straight eyes,
so when life fades as a fading sunset,
my spirit may come to you
without shame.

The Coat Hanger

A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her small daughter was very sick with a fever

She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication

She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car, She didn't know What to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened

The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse, She said, 'You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door'

The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been left on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time had locked their keys in their car

She looked at the hanger and said, 'I don't know how to use this'

She bowed her head and asked God to send her help

Within five minutes a beat up old motorcycle pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head

The woman thought, 'This is what you sent to help me',But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful

The man got o ff of his cycle and asked if he could help

She said, 'Yes, my daughter is very sick, I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car, I must get home to her'

Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car

He said, 'Sure'

He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was opened

She hugged the man and through her tears she said, 'Thank You So Much You are a very nice man'

The man replied, 'Lady, I am not a nice man, I just got out of prison today'

'I was in prison for car theft and have only been out for about an hour'

The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud,

'Oh, thank you God, You even sent me a Professional'

Is GOD GOOD, or What

Think About It...The Coat Hanger

Interesting thought

Well, it's shit ... that's right, shit!
Shit may just be the most functional word in the English language.
Consider:
You can get shit-faced, Be shit-out-of-luck, Or have shit for brains.
With a little effort, you can get your shit
together, find a place for your shit, or be asked to shit or get off the pot.
You can smoke shit, buy shit, sell shit, lose shit,
find shit, forget shit, and tell others to eat shit.
Some people know their shit, while others can't tell
the difference between shit and shineola.
There are lucky shits, dumb shits, and crazy shits.
There is bull shit, horse shit, and chicken shit.
You can throw shit, sling shit, catch shit, shoot the shit,
or duck when the shit hits the fan.
You can give a shit or serve shit on a shingle.
You can find yourself in deep shit or be happier than a pig in shit.
Some days are colder than shit, some days are hotter than shit,
and some days are just plain shitty.
Some music sounds like shit, things can look like shit, and there are
times when you feel like shit.
You can have too much shit, not enough shit, the right shit, the
wrong shit or a lot of weird shit.
You can carry shit, have a mountain of shit, or find
yourself up shit creek without a paddle.
Sometimes everything you touch turns to shit and
other times you fall in a bucket of shit and come out smelling like a rose.
When you stop to consider all the facts, it's the
basic building block of the English language.
And remember, once you know your shit, you don't
need to know anything else!!
You could pass this along, if you give a shit; or
not do so if you don't give a shit!
Well, Shit, it's time for me to go. Just wanted you to know that I do
give a shit and hope you had a nice day, without a bunch of shit. But,
if you happened to catch a load of shit from some shit-head . . .
Well, Shit Happens!!!

April 18, 2009

Apr 18, 2009
Current mood:bummed

Yet another one of life’s bumps in the road….


Yet another one of life’s bumps in the road….
I have been to the emergency room twice in the past week for what was believed to be a blocked saliva duct, which had become infected. Upon my second trip, the doctor decided it best to do a CT scan. I was told that I had stones blocking both the right and left side. Although the left side was swollen and in a great deal of pain. The doc told me that it was extremely important I see a specialist. Well my insurance wont pay for that, so I went to my regular doctor. She was the one who got to finally tell me that I do not have stones blocking the ducts! I have lesions in the parotid lymph nodes. Otherwise I have multiple tumor, varying in size from 3mm to 10mm, in my saliva gland/lymph nodes. Not some thing that they are going to able to help. Other that trying to get the infection gone. I now need to find a way of seeing an ENT doctor who can biopsy them and let me know what I’m up against.
It seem like every time we start to get thing under some kind of control, another one of these speed bumps shows up. In the four years that Rich and I have been together we’ve gone through getting clean off meth, almost lossing Emma in my 17th week of pregnancy, my being diagnosed with several autoimmune diseases, Emma’s Learning disabilities and the deaths of two dear friends. I really hope at some point that we get to have boring life. don’t get me wrong I know life is a learning lesson, I would just like to get summers off. Lol.