My Life

I am the mommy of Michelle, Ashleigh and Samanthia. The state of utah snatched them from me in July of 2001. The Last time I was allowed to see them was January 8, 2002. Not a day goes by that they are not in my thoughts. They were sold out of foster care here for financial insentive. I miss you three so much and can't wait til the day you can come find me.

Friday, April 15, 2011

The House That Built Me
I know they say you cant go home again.
I just had to come back one last time.
Ma'am I know you don't know me from Adam.
But these handprints on the front steps are mine.
And up those stairs, in that little back bedroom
is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar.
And I bet you didn't know under that live oak
my favorite dog is buried in the yard.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself
if I could just come in I swear I'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.

Mama cut out pictures of houses for years.
From 'Better Homes and Garden' magazines.
Plans were drawn, concrete poured,
and nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama's dream.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself.
If I could just come in I swear I'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.

You leave home, you move on and you do the best you can.
I got lost in this whole world and forgot who I am.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself.
If I could walk around I swear I'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.
I know they say you cant go home again.
I just had to come back one last time.
Ma'am I know you don't know me from Adam.
But these handprints on the front steps are mine.
And up those stairs, in that little back bedroom
is where I did my homework and I learned to play guitar.
And I bet you didn't know under that live oak
my favorite dog is buried in the yard.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself
if I could just come in I swear I'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.

Mama cut out pictures of houses for years.
From 'Better Homes and Garden' magazines.
Plans were drawn, concrete poured,
and nail by nail and board by board
Daddy gave life to mama's dream.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself.
If I could just come in I swear I'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.

You leave home, you move on and you do the best you can.
I got lost in this whole world and forgot who I am.

I thought if I could touch this place or feel it
this brokenness inside me might start healing.
Out here its like I'm someone else,
I thought that maybe I could find myself.
If I could walk around I swear I'll leave.
Won't take nothing but a memory
from the house that built me.

Temporary Home

Temporary Home
by Carrie Underwood.
This is our temporary home

Little boy, 6 years old
A little too used to bein' alone
Another new mom and dad, another school
Another house that'll never be home
When people ask him how he likes this place
He looks up and says with a smile upon his face

"This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through
This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know this is my
Temporary Home."

Young mom on her own
She needs a little help got nowhere to go
She's lookin' for a job, lookin' for a way out
'Cause a half-way house will never be a home
At night she whispers to her baby girl
Someday we'll find a place here in this world

"This is our temporary home
It's not where we belong
Windows and rooms that we're passin' through
This is just a stop, on the way to where we're going
I'm not afraid because I know this is our
Temporary Home."

Old man, hospital bed
The room is filled with people he loves
And he whispers don't cry for me
I'll see you all someday
He looks up and says "I can see God's face."

"This is my temporary Home
It's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through
This was just a stop, on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know this was
My temporary home."

I Believe...

A Birth Certificate shows that we were born. A Death Certificate shows that we died. Pictures show that we lived! Have a seat . . . Relax . . . And read this slowly. I Believe... That just because two people argue, doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, doesn't mean they do love each other. I Believe... That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change. I Believe... That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that. I Believe... That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love. I Believe... That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life. I Believe... That it's taking me a long time to... become the person I want to be. I Believe... That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them. I Believe... That you can keep going long after you think you can't. I Believe... That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel. I Believe... That either you control your attitude or it controls you. I Believe... That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences. I Believe... That money is a lousy way of keeping score. I Believe... That my best friend and I can do anything, or nothing, and have the best time. I Believe... That sometimes the people you expect to kick you When you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up. I Believe... That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel. I Believe... That maturity has more to do with what types of experiences you've had, and what you've learned from them.....and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated. I Believe... That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes, you have to learn to forgive yourself. I Believe... That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief. I Believe... That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become. I Believe... That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life Forever. I Believe... Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different. I Believe... That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you. I Believe... That even when you think you have no more to give, if a friend cries out to you........you will find the strength to help. I Believe... That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being. I Believe... That the people you care about most in life are taken from you too soon. I Believe...
It is good to feel lost... because it proves you have a navigational sense of where "Home" is.  You know that a place that feels like being found exists.  And maybe your current location isn't that place but, Hallelujah, that unsettled, uneasy feeling of lost-ness just brought you closer to it.  ~Erika Harris

Happy Birthday Samanthia

The last Birthday I spent with you was amazing. You were so excited that your birthday was on Easter. You couldn't quite say birthday so it came out more of birffday, I can still hear you telling everyone "my birffday easter, my birffday easter!". God how I miss you. I pray you have magical day and that your dreams come true. On a bit of a selfish note, I pray your sisters have been able to help keep you memories of me and that you feel my love today as well as every other day of you life. Happy Birthday my sweet girl, Mommy loves you, ALWAYS!

Monday, April 11, 2011